health jokes!

      I’m putting on too much weight. What shall I do, Doc?

Put yourself away from the table three times a day.

      How did you break your arm?

You see those steps? Well, I didn’t.

      I haven’t touched your tooth yet, have I?

No, but you’re standing on my foot.

      Doctor, I often feel like killing myself. What shall I do?

Leave it to me.

      Does every bone in your body hurt?

Yes, I’m glad I’m not a fish.

      Have you ever had a car accident?

Well, I met my wife at a petrol station.

      What do you recommend for the pain in my left foot, Doc?

Try walking with the other one.

      So Jones is death. Did he leave his wife much?

Oh, nearly every night.

      What’s good for biting fingernails?

Sharp teeth.

      How did your brother have his accident?

He tried to fly his plane through a tunnel without checking the train timetable.

      Why do I get a sharp pain in my left eye every time I drink tea?

Take the spoon out of your cup.

      What’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?

Stand in the middle of this road for a while.

      What’s the best way to stay healthy?

Not to get sick.

      Could you pay for an operation if I thought one was necessary?

Would you find it necessary, Doc, if I couldn’t pay for it?

      How long can a man live without a brain, Doc?

I don’t know. How old are you?