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phantasmagoria

by: oranye
as part of Creative Writing Assignment

Lying on my back

In the vast expanse of autumnal meadow

Watching the orange dusk

Adorned with lazy clouds follow

Musing on the flash of back times

Recognizing multitude of mundane wishes

Achievable sometimes

Yet some are inescapably out of reaches

Consider myself a lifetime learner

Hitherto lead a small life yet valuable

Trying my best even for something minor

Always keeping in mind that nothing is impossible

Now pursuing one of my big projects in life

Consciously realize of its winding long road

With a certain vision much alive

Hoping of roaming the globe, aboard

ya sudahlah

by: Bondan Prakoso feat. Fade2Black

ya sudahlah mp3 | lyrics

free music downloads | music videos | pictures

I do love the lyrics. And I'll try to freely translate some of them (which I like most). You know what, it's extremely difficult to translate the title itself :p

Ketika mimpimu yang begitu indah

Tak pernah terwujud, ya sudahlah

Saat kau berlari mengejar anganmu

Dan tak pernah sampai, ya sudahlah

Apapun yang terjadi

Kukan slalu ada untukmu

Janganlah kau bersedih

Coz everything’s gonna be okay

Saat kau berharap keramahan cinta

Tak pernah kau dapat, ya sudahlah

(yeah)

Dengar ku bernyanyi

Lalalalalala hey yeye yayaya

Dudududaduududidam

Semua ini belum berakhir

Apapun yang terjadi

Kukan slalu ada untukmu

Janganlah kau bersedih

Coz everything’s gonna be okay

When your beautiful dream

Has never been come true, it doesn’t matter

At the moment you’re running after your fantasy

And yet never arrive, it doesn’t matter

Whatever come what may

I’ll always be there for you

Don’t be sad

Coz everything’s gonna be okay

At the time you wish for the warmth of love

At the time you wish for the warmth of love

But unreachable, it doesn’t matter

Just listen to me singing

Lalalalalala hey yeye yayaya

Dudududaduududidam

It is not yet the end

Whatever come what may

I’ll always be there for you

Don’t be sad

Coz everything’s gonna be okay

Sigh, just wish that there is someone will say it to me:
"coz eveything's gonna be okay".  

I really need that now.

which one do I envy?

I took my sister to her work this early morning. I chose to walk around first (well actually I'm riding my motorbike) before back home. I felt so gloomy when I woke up, perhaps not enough sleep or just due to drama movie that I watched all night long till dawn. It's my fault to be too "plunged" or even "drowned" in every movie I watch or novels/books/comics I read. I hate myself for becoming so emotionally sentimental or "a cry baby".

When I passed the market, I got a bit surprised when it was not so crowded as usual. I slowed down my bike when my eyes were caught by the view of a small open box truck that has fresh colorful flowers on it. Most of them are daisies. White, yellow, red, and pink ones. The photographer-wannabe feeling suddenly arouse. But it faded out when I see the look of the driver's truck. So reluctantly I continue my journey, watched from my side mirror, the truck slowly slide behind me.

I had stopped at red traffic light. Around me I saw people who are getting rush to work, of course all them were neat their office dresses or uniforms. Meanwhile, I was wearing my "batik" knee-short and my "ice cream" sweater, absolutely hadn't taken bath yet. I don't know whether work as freelance is an ideal job for other people. Yes, I realize that until now I work as a freelance. I can do my job at home or places that I like to. Sometimes I'm flooded by lots of headlines, yet other times I'm really free with lots of spare times. Or, in brief, in this case, I do not have assurance of future. 

There's come across in my mind a television program aired by one of Japan's broadcaster. The program tells about some women, their works and friend which they envy.Almost of them are nearly entering their 30-years old age. First, there is a woman who works in nursery school and write that she envies her friend who newly got married. The scene continues to go to the house of the newlywed couple, take a look at her house and her activities, and later asked who she envies. She envies a single woman with good career. They continue to another prefecture and meet the career woman who still work although she also had gotten married. This woman envies her friends who is still single and do lots of traveling around the world. This 25-years old girl envies her friend which leads a life she likes, lives near a beach, playing guitar and sings, and writes her own songs. And who does this girl envy? She writes "myself". She said that although she envies lots of her friend and she does like her life now, even though she just broke up with her boyfriend.

I reflect on myself. Most of my friends have lead their own life and work in other big cities, other islands or even abroad. Seems for me that all of them have been success with their life. A book editor, a consultant, public relation officer, works with a foreign NGO, a civil servant with assurance of life, further study abroad or even got married and have babies. Whereas, it seems that I'm the one who do not move, even only one step. Sometimes, when life gives me hard time, I envy them, and imagine my ideal life. It makes me hate myself more. But, at the other times, I was blessed with so much happiness. I can enjoy my life as single girl, with lots of interesting things to do, to watch, to listen, to feel. Though not many friends (because now I realize that I'm not kind of person with good skill of relationship with other, where sometimes I hate to go out socializing) I have yet I still can enjoy my solitude. Maybe, that's enough for me now. It just need bit hard  work to be like that last girl who envies "myself".

Once again, I lead a small life ...well valuable, but small.

the accident of coffee and Five Little Pigs

I spilt my "Acehness" black coffee on my bed this morning.

It was Sunday. Despite still felt the side effect of watching World Cup at TV, I woke early this day. Nothing to do outside though the day was really nice and fine, and no feeling of sleepy after a while of try to sleep again, so I chose of taking bath (again, it's an extraordinary thing for Sunday), and then picked one of books in my shelves. My finger stopped and pointed at Agatha Christie's Five Little Pigs. I do have lots of collection of this my favorite author and it's my own pleasure to repeat reading her books more than one or three times?

As companion, I made a mug of coffee, put it aside of my bed - my bed lies on the carpet exactly on the the floor- laid myself on bed, and starting to read.  What a life! Coffee and book. I can't expect more than that. The book itself tells about the greatest detective - Hercule Poirot - and his case of digging out 16 years old-murder case - to help a very fine mademoiselle who wanted a truth about her parents. As always happens when I read Christie's books, it goes on, the curiosity going bigger and bigger, and the thrill cannot make me stop.

At a point in time, my eye stuck at the last pages while the mug of coffee standing - almost half empty - beside the book that I hold in joy of finding who is the murder (my guess was absolutely gone wrong, and it frequently happens), I made a sudden move of sitting. Voila! The mug was leaned fast, and before my hand could catch it up, it felt down, spreading its black liquid on my orange bed sheet. 

It was all a sudden. The quickest idea and move I could do was reaching out my box of tissue and dried the spilt - still with my other hand holding the book. After that, a realization had entered my gray cells in my brain, because it's not the only time I spilt coffee or tea on my bed or my sister's bed, namely my mother and my sister would scream of the bed sheet due to the spilt, yet I only feel disappointed of my precious half coffee!

Have a nice day everyone :)

memories

Do you have any favorite song that you play and listen to over and over? I have, this one is the most favorite and meaningful song to me. First time I know this song was introduced by my friend who has bulk collection of indie-metal-gothic-underground  songs. 

It is included in the Within Temptation album "Silent Force" (2004). It not need a longer time for me to  fall in love with this band, their songs, their lyrics, their music. The whole album is awesome, which makes it difficult for me to choose which one is the my favorite. But finally I choose "memories". There are some reasons why I do extremely love this song:  the title, its deep-meaning lyrics, and made perfect by the clip video. I don't know, but I just feel that this song is "really me".


Check this lyric out:

Memories 

In this world you tried,
Not leaving me alone behind.
There's no other way,
I pray to the gods let him stay.
The memories ease the pain inside,
And now I know why.

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagining you here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears

Made me promise I'd try,
To find my way back in this life.
Hope there is a way,
To give me a sign you're okay.
Reminds me again it's worth it all,
So I can go home.

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagining you here.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent whispers, silent tears.

Together in all these memories,
I see your smile.
All of the memories I hold dear.
Darling you know I'll love you,
Til the end of time.

All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments,
Imagining you here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears.

All of my memories...

So what's your favorite song? Or, what is your memories?

my name is santi

well, i'm not following the title of a newest Indian movie starred by Shahrukh Khan, no. but, maybe just got a little inspiration from it. and i won't talk about the movie either.

instead, i wanna talk a about name.

a famous Shakespeare's remark is 

"what's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

said by Juliet in Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

but, it name does matter in my family, in my culture (in this case, i'm a Javanese girl). name always has its meaning and purpose. sometimes too light, some other time too heavy. sometimes just trivial but other carries deep expectation in it. 

okay, my name is "sari susanti" (and i'm always called as "santi"). my father made it himself and gave it to me, a second daughter in my family. i never thought about it, the only thing i knew that the name of "santi" was a common name, a lot of girls and women named with it. then, when i was in elementary school, after one of my teacher asked what is the meaning of my name, i turned to ask him. he said that my name has a meaning of  "lovely flower". 

when i'm getting older i could find out the meaning of my own name. first, i gained it from my mother language. in Javanese: "sari"  means "concentrate, extract, juicy, pith, core". while, "susanti" has a meaning of "example, model". wow, don't you think i have a great name?  

later on, i knew that the name of "santi" can be found in other languages. 

for example in Buddhism and Hinduism mantra: "om santi santi santi hari om"
Shanti (Santi) here means "peace", it is said three times which is generally interpreted as meaning the Threefold Peace in body, speech, and mind (i.e. peace in the entirety of one’s being). 

once again, wow!

from Asia i move to Europe, because the name "santi" also can be found here. especially it has its origins in Italian, Portuguese, and Spanish.   

in Spain, the name Santi is a nickname type of surname for a person who was born on All Saint's Day. In the medieval chronicles, the name was originally recorded in the Latin form Sanctorum. 

similarly, Italian: from the personal name Santi, plural form of Santo a short form of the devotional name Ognisanti, probably bestowed on a child born on All Saints’ Day

that's all that can get so far. one name, various meanings. 

no matter what, i do love my name.

also, my other nickname

http://www.wildmind.org/mantras/figures/shanti

http://www.houseofnames.com/xq/asp.fc/qx/santi-family-crest.htm